Your community is a “sprawl blob” when…


Source: ign.com

Source: ign.com

Here is the sixth in this satirical series. You’re know your community is an urban “sprawl blob” that’s visible from outer space when…

  • You cannot tell when you have arrived or when you have left.
  • There is no “there,” there.
  • You’d swear you driven past that same McDonald’s five times, but you haven’t.
  • Development names sound like other (nicer) places: Central Park, Piccadilly, Times Square, Malibu, Prestwick, etc.
  • Pedestrians and cyclists must fend for themselves.
  • The “horizon” is simply considered an urban legend.
  • Development in your community doesn’t just leap-frog, it pole vaults!

    Source: livingaloud.com

    Source: livingaloud.com

  • Walking is something Grandma and Grandpa used to do in the good old days.
  • Cars rule the roost!
  • Asphalt is the local currency.
  • Streets, roads, and highways serve as parking lots most of the day.
  • Deer and antelope no longer play there.
  • Street lights are unnecessary due to all the commercial glitz.

    Source: ledhut.co.uk

    Source: ledhut.co.uk

  • Historic buildings are torn down and replaced by crap.
  • Standardization is the norm.
  • “Bland” pretty much describes your community in one word.
  • Commercial corridors look like something out of a video arcade.
  • Design and landscaping standards took an extended holiday.
  • Nature is an over-manicured lawn devoid of life.
  • Brake lights and the brakes are the first parts to wear out on cars.
  • The scenic vistas are no longer visible.
  • The Blob is the most popular movie in town.

    Source: en.wikipedia.org

    Source: en.wikipedia.org

  • Develop-mints are the most popular candy in town.
  • The stars are no longer visible at night.
  • A special permit is required if a submitted plan does NOT include a drive-through.
  • Stacking spaces are three-dimensional.
  • People keep saying, “Houston, we have a problem” and they are not talking about spacecraft.
  • Airplanes, birds, bats, butterflies, bees, and UFOs all lose their sense of direction when flying overhead.
  • Your community is proud to be the sole cause of global warming and climate change.
  • Los Angeles doesn’t want to look a thing like your community.
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This entry was posted in Active transportation, architecture, Bicycling, branding, cities, civics, civility, climate change, culture, environment, film, fun, geography, health, historic preservation, humanity, infrastructure, land use, movies, new urbanism, planning, product design, satire, spatial design, sustainability, urban planning and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Your community is a “sprawl blob” when…

  1. …existence is futile.

    Like

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